Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
