one word: firstdatebathroomanal
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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