bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
