gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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