I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
