i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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