I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
