My pussy is not your playground.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
