Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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