I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
