So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Your penis caused this!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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