He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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