At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
