i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
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