I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
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