He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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