Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
