so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
