he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
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Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
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Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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