somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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