Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
