Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
