were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
