I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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