Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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