Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
