I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
