Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
