lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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