I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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