I wish I only lived at night.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
