just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
