just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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