She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
