My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
