just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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