Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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