when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
