but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
