you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
