it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I looked at my own cervix.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
