conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
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We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
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Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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