I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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