the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Can Purell be used as lube?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
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