I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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