He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
