I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
