I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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