I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
