Sponge bath it is.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
