Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
too bad you live with your parents still
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
