pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
