I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
