He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Randomize
