How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Randomize