Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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