Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
