it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Sober January is a disaster.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
