This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I am midnight drunk by noon
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
