I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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