I like my sex mixed with concussions.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
