i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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