the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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