Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
