If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
