just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
