She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
My bed smells like the plague
He did a backflip because drugs
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
