Tell her she can't have a vagina
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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