Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
