Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
