We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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